Without You
by theSilence
Summary: Trowa has a dream that affects his relationship with Quatre. Yaoi involved...


Without You   
  


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Notes: This is my very first fanfic so I'm sorry if it's no good!  
Warnings: Yaoi, Death, Angst, Self-Inflicted Damage  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Gundam Wing boys. Don't sue! I have no money!  


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Dreams often show you your future. They can show you what will happen, what could happen, or things you wish could happen. They can also show your your deepest desires or your darkest fears.  
  
For many nights now, I have been visited by the same dream. At first, I pushed it away, thinking nothing of it. But night after night it repeated itself. Each time growing in detail. Soon, it concerned me.  
  
This dream was always on my mind, distracting me from all that I did. This cause my beloved Quatre to begin to worry about me.   
  
_*flashback*_  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
I looked down at the boy I held in my arms, his qorgeous aqua eyes peering up at me through rifts of golden bangs.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Are you all right?" he asked me.   
  
I kissed him on his forehead and sighed.   
  
"I'm fine. I was just thinking."  
  
_*end flashback*_  
  
_Thinking?_ Hardly. More like worrying.  
  
Later that night, after crawling into bed with my Quatre in my arms, the dream returned to me.  
  
***  
  
Quatre was asleep, laying naked atop my own nude body. I kissed the top of his head, causing him to awaken. He smiled his angelic smile that would always take my breath away. He kissed me passionately on the lips taking me to new highs.  
  
After parting from each other's lips, Quatre rested his head upon my chest once more. Then he whispered something that was inaudible to me.  
  
The scene fades out and changes into a dark and dismal place. There is a battle raging but not with the gundams and mobile suits. It's some strange battle that is very familiar to me but I can't seem to describe. I reach up and feel my cheek to find that I have been crying, although I don't know why.  
  
Suddenly a scream pierces the darkness.  
  
"TROWA!!!"  
  
I immediately turn to see a body laying face down into the ground. I instantly notice this person's golden blonde hair.  
  
"QUATRE!!"  
  
I rum to his side as quickly as my legs could carry me. I fall to my knees by his side and turn him over. His face was filled with sorrow and his cheeks were stained with tears. He's small form lay limp as I held him close.  
  
"No...Quatre, NO!!"  
  
I hold the boy's lifeless body closer to my own. More tears stream down my face and fall into Quatre's hair. I begin to shake furiously as I'm filled with utter despair.   
  
"QUATRE!!"  
  
***  
  
I never understood what this dream meant.  
  
I woke up with a start and looked over to where Quatre was asleep. He slowly opened his eyes and gazed up at me. I lay back down next to him and kiss his lips as softly and as tenderly as I could. He smiled and fell fast asleep upon my chest once more.  
  
Being too afraid to come to Quatre about this dream, I turned to my friends. Much to my disappointment, they couldn't give me an answer that I so desperately needed. I soon felt afraid for Quatre. I feared for his life. It would be impossible for me to bare the thought of Quatre being dead.  
  
I began to believe that Quatre was in danger because of me. I did ont want any harm to come to my angel so I did the only thing I could think of. I left him.  
  
_*flashback*_  
  
His face was filled with so much angst that it tore me apart.  
  
"Trowa!" he called as he rushed over to me.  
  
Quatre grabbed me around my waist, his face shedding tears amongst my chest.  
  
"Please," he looked up at me, tears still pouring out of his eyes. "What did I do? Please, Trowa. Whatever I did wrong, I won't do it again. I'll do better. I'll do _anything_, just please, Trowa. Please don't leave me."  
  
My eyes flooded with tears as I struggled with my emotins to not take Quatre back and hold him in my arms forever.  
  
I pushed him away as he struggled to hold on.  
  
"No! Trowa, please! No!" he cried. "Please, Trowa. _Please._ I'll do _anything_. _Please!_"  
  
"No, Quatre! No!"  
  
I pushed one last time before running away. Quatre dropped to his knees and hugged himself as his emotions took over.  
  
The next day, I sat in my apartment crying my heart out. I couldn't sleep the previous night, knowing that I had caused Quatre pain.  
  
_'This is for the best, my love...'_  
  
The phone rang. I prayed to God that it wasn't Quatre. I couldn't stand to hear his voice filled with sorrow. I decided to let my machine pick it up.  
  
"Hey Tro. It's Duo. I just wanted to know if you knew where Quatre was. He called yesterday and sounded miserable. He was supposed to meet me and Heero for lunch, too, but he never showed. And you know that that's so unlike him. I tried calling his place but no one answered. I guess I should go since no one's picking up here. I'll catch ya later man."  
  
Suddenly, a sharp pain pierced my chest causing me to fall to my knees. I couldn't breathe. I shut my eyes and instead of seeing darkness, I saw Quatre. He was on his knees, looking for something under the sink. He came out with a bottle in his hands. On the bottle were two clearly marked words: RAT POISON.  
  
"NO!" I called out. I opened my eyes and ran as fast as I could to Quatre's apartment. I only prayed that I wasn't too late.  
  
I burst through the door of Quatre's place to find myself in complete darkness.   
  
"QUATRE?!" I called out.  
  
When there was no answer, I felt my heart race maniacally. I reached for a light switch and when I reviewed the scene before me, my breath caught in my throat. I couldn't believe what I saw. Quatre was lying on the floor, hiis face against the kitchen tiles.   
  
I raced to Quatre's side and flipped him over. The bottle of rat poison dropped to the floor from his hand. Quatre's mouth had the remnants of white foam, cause by the poison. His face was pale, tear stained and filled with so much despair. My beloved Quatre was dead. And it was all my fault.  
  
I held him to my chest as tightly as I could while I cried full force.  
  
"What have I done..." I cried upon the boy's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Quatre...I'm so sorry..."  
  
I don't know how long I was on the floor, kneeling with Quatre's lifeless form in my arms. Frankly, I didn't care. I looked into his face. So beautiful. I kissed his lips, trying to drink in any of the poison that might have been left. I carefully laid Quatre back onto the floor and stood before searching the kitchen. I pulled open drawers and cabinets in search of what I needed. Finally, I found it. I held the knife as straight as I could and pulled it against my wrists. I let the knife fall out of my hands and watched my blood spill out and hit the floor. I bent down and lifted Quatre into my arms. There, I carried him into his bedroom and laid him down, lying down next to him. I held him close to me and kissed him over and over again, hoping that he would return my kiss. I shut my eyes, never to open them, ever again.  
  
People believe that on the brink of death, your whole life flashes before your eyes. I saw Quatre, for he was my life.  
  
I remembered the first time I laid eyes on him. I remembered each and every one of his features. He saved my life and showed me a whole new world through his eyes. He showed me kindness, friendship, and most of all, love. He loved me. He was my angel from heaven. He was my Quatre.  
  
I finally made the realization that I misinterpreted my dream. I thought that if I stayed with Quatre, he would die. I was wrong. Before I lost consciousness, I was brought back to my dream. Like I said, with every visit, it grew in detail. I finally got a chance to hear what Quatre whispered against my chest. I whispered those words back to him before I died.  
  
"I'd die without you..."  
  


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Well? What do you think? Give me reviews, opinions, all of the above. It's my first fic so I need to know if I'm any good or if I stink like a skunk. E-mail me at neptunes@earthling.net. Thanks!   
  
  



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